He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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