The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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