Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
