i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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