names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
