They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
