Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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