Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
