u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my fart just growled at me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My pussy is not your playground.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
