i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
