Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
