there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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