lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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