i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
