is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
