We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
