Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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