Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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