and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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