Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
