were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
