i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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