She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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