I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
