Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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