I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize