She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
