phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize