Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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