so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
