can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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