hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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