you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
