I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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