i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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