haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
