So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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