You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize