Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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