When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
