Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
