Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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