I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
