i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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