Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
