It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
