i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
