There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
