Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
