You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I touched a dick in church today
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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