How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
