i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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