he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
