Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
