I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
