When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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