I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
