"it" just moved
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
