Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize