UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You made out with two different species that night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
