I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
