Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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