watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize