I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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