If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
