FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
