Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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