I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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