Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
