I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
