I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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