I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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