if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize