It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
