Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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