He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
